Anxious attachment style otherwise known as a preoccupied attachment or anxious-ambivalent attachment is a style of insecure attachment that involves high levels of anxiety. (1) It is one of the reasons why some children become resistant.
Causes of Anxious Attachment
Behind every resistant child that has insecure attachment has experiences that made them develop this behavior. This usually develops when their caregivers aren’t consistent in meeting their needs, (2) that’s why the child feels insecure about their parents or caregivers’ ability and availability to provide them their emotional and physical needs. (2)
Another reason for their behavior is their insecurity, fear or worry that you’re going to leave them. People that have become so dear to them have probably left them or made them feel abandoned. This could have affected them so much especially if they were fond of their caregivers and had a good relationship with them.
These children could develop resistant behavior and aren’t easily comforted by their caregivers because they have gotten used to the feeling of being ignored and having uncertainty about whether they will receive the attention they need. They are also hesitant to put in so much emotional investment because they are too concerned that their loved ones will abandon them or won’t love or value them. (1)
Manifestations of Anxious Attachment
A child with this condition could appear “clingy,” “needy,” or not trusting. (2) They can be jealous, possessive, controlling, attention-seeking, and insecure (1). The child may misbehave, be stubborn and hostile and show that they don’t like you. This is their way of protecting themselves from having experienced multiple disappointments after constantly changing caregivers.
Deep inside these kids would want their emotional needs to be met by their caregivers and be close to them. Unconsciously behaving badly is their way of testing how long their caregivers can keep up with them despite their behavior and at the same time have the assurance they will stay with them and won’t leave them.
Movie clips from:
- The Nanny Diaries (2007) FilmColony
Reference:
- (1) Graziano, Christina. Attachment Styles and Their Impact on Adult Relationships. 1/11/2024. University of Oklahoma. https://students.ouhsc.edu/Campus-Life/Student-Calendar/Event-Details/attachment-styles-and-their-impact-on-adult-relationships
- (2) The 4 Attachment Styles and How They Impact You. Cleveland Clinic. 9/22/2022. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/attachment-theory-and-attachment-styles
Ciele 